Communication problems with a man is a common problem for women. During my 38 years as a therapist to work with married couples and single women, this is probably # 1 complaint of women. I'm always hearing comments like: He does not understand, he never says he's sorry, he does not share his feelings. Or, when a woman is trying to make a point, or leaves the room screaming.
Women's list of common complaints about men who like to go forward.
L 'truth is that, in general, women spend more time than men to think about their relationships and worrying about what they have done to cause a problem and what they can do to make it better. Have you read books, talk with friends, and think about all the ways to make things better. Right?
On the other hand, when a man is angry or hurt, they usually put it away and moves on. As a client said in my office just yesterday, "I suck it up. Is not that what couples are supposed to do?"
Well,no. This is what men do, but women do exactly the opposite. Men and women are governed by different rules to deal with relationship problems. For men, it is a simplistic "If it is not broke, do not fix it." They believe that if you mess with something small, you may do worse.
For women, however, is just the opposite. "If there is a problem, even a little, it is better to solve the problem now so it becomes bigger."
You see the problem? So what can you do?
Here are someguidelines you can use to make your current "discussions" more productive
1.Set an agenda. Him informed on the subject of what you want to discuss. Agree on a specific time to talk, not just him randomly.
2.Be specific in your complaint / request. Know what you want to say and no more than 3-5 sentences. Men tend to get lost in the words of women.
3.Remove emotion. As Dragnet said, "Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts." Tears and screams and scare menthen distracted to hear what you're saying.
4.Set the aim of reaching a joint resolution (even if it means agreeing to disagree). If both have a goal that, as at the onset, you can return to that if one of you are always on the defensive or attack.
5.Remember you love each other, you're on the same team.
Use these tips and you'll feel the difference in your ability to communicate – in spite of gender differences.